Money matters

Image: Disney

To push the majority vote in Disney’s favor, they offer a “free” table service meal to the participants, hoping that nobody realizes they’re sitting idly for 90 minutes, which is at least $600 of VIP time. Even with 10 guests, they’re actually paying more for that meal than if they were just visiting the park on their own. It’s these little tricks that make the VIP Tour a wonderful deal for Disney.

For the customer, the value is in the sheer volume of rides they can enjoy during seven hours. As I’ve previously discussed, Disney research suggests that the average customer is satisfied when they enjoy at least nine attractions in a day. A VIP Tourist will blow past that total with a bit of planning. There’s a catch, though.

The myth is that VIPs get to skip to the front of the line at all Disney attractions. That’s largely untrue, at least today. The corporation has a rule in place that requires VIPs to wait in line rather than skip ahead of regular guests. The thought process is that no matter how much extra the VIP is paying, Disney would ruin the perception of the Happiest Place on Earth if spots in line went to the highest bidder.

Instead, Disney slips VIPs into the FastPass queue. Whenever you see a cast member in a white shirt covered by a plaid vest taking a group of people to the FastPass area, that’s what they’re doing. VIPs can’t skip the line, but they function as if they have unlimited FastPasses. They confer with the cast members running the FastPass queue, swipe card, and voila! The person gains entry to the fast line.

Still, the process isn’t ideal to many VIPs. The most frequent complaint, especially among the entitled, is that they do not walk straight to the front of the line. Having to wait in the FastPass line can take as much as 20 minutes, depending on the season, the time of day, and the attraction in question. For the amount of money VIPs are paying (it’s at least 24 times the cost of a regular admission ticket), they have a point, but it’s the right call by Disney.

The worst hurdle Tour Guides can face with their charges is if the celebrities have been coming to Disney theme parks for many years. Historically, for reasons explained below, most facilities had VIP doors that guests could access to skip the entire line. Guests could sneak in through these backdoors and board attractions such as Pirates of the Caribbean almost instantly.

Today, Disney discourages this practice for “regular” VIPs, which is to say wealthy individuals whose presence in the park won’t cause a major disruption. Management does still make exceptions in some cases, as you’ll see in just a moment. But the rule is that if you’re wealthy but not famous/powerful, you can’t jump straight onto a ride vehicle. Some VIPs remember those days and vent about changes in the program. Such discussions are awkward for the helpless Tour Guide, who has to play by the current rules.

Even without walking to the front of the line, the VIP Tour is still a sweet deal for all involved. My favorite part is that it’s not park-specific. If you want to park hop during your visit, Disney warmly encourages this. From their perspective, the time you’re traveling between parks is found money to the corporation. All they’re paying is a cast member’s salary, the five miles of gas for the vehicle, and the depreciation and maintenance on the vehicle itself. That’s a few dollars per trip. Meanwhile, if the VIP’s transport from one park to the other takes 15 minutes, they’ve paid $100. Disney’s just come out waaaaaay ahead. And they’ve done so without bogging down any FastPass lines since their highest-paying customers aren’t even in a park for that time period.

ALL the rides

As a VIP Tourist, you’ve gained something for your money, though. You don’t have to wait on Disney’s mercurial transportation system nor do you have to wait in full line queues. Because of these benefits, you can easily ride many of the E-Ticket attractions at the various theme parks. At Walt Disney World, it’s feasible to start the day at Seven Dwarfs Mine Train, head over to Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain, walk back to Peter Pan’s Flight, rest your feet on It’s a Small World and The Haunted Mansion, and finish by 11:00.

At that point, you are chauffeured over to Epcot for Soarin’, Frozen Ever After, and whatever else you want. Then, you can enjoy a Table Service meal at the restaurant of your choice at World Showcase. Afterward, your chaperone will transport you to Hollywood Studios for Toy Story: Midway Mania!, Star Tours, Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith and the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. Finally, you can end your VIP Tour at Animal Kingdom, enjoying Expedition: Everest and Kilimanjaro Safaris.

Now, I wouldn’t recommend this exact plan (Splash Mountain first thing in the morning is SUCH a bad idea), but you get the point. The beauty of infinite FastPasses and express transportation is that anything you want to do at the parks is possible. Plus, you can start whenever you want during the day (it doesn’t have to be rope drop), you can repeat any rides you like as many times as you want (practice enough and you’ll become a rock star at Toy Story: Midway Mania!), you get priority seating for all the parades, shows, and fireworks displays, and you have a Disney cast member paid to cater to your every need. All it costs is a mortgage payment or two.

What’s the incentive for Disney to provide VIP Tours? That one’s obvious. Offering VIP services is a way to deliver a superlative park visit to those travelers who can pay more. As you can see from the above, the profit margin is off the charts for the company, too. They don’t even throw in free merchandise. A VIP has to pay for their mouse ears just the same as anybody else. All they receive is special treatment within the framework of a Disney theme park visit.

VIP Tours are also a way to hide opulence in plain sight. You might not even realize when a person near you in line is using the service. That’s by (clever) design. Having money isn’t the only factor, though.