Five grooms for one bride

Image: Disney

Don’t believe me? Ask Ambrose Harper, a California farmer who married Mrs. Hatchaway in 1869. He didn’t live to see the 1870s. Three years later, a pillar of the community named Frank Banks, fittingly a banker, took Hatchaway’s hand in marriage. She quickly took it back but only after ending his life. Given this information, it’s not hard to believe that someone with a name as questionable as Marquis de Doome suffered a similar fate. Even if the Black Widow Bride had been a gentler spirit, I wouldn’t have held out much hope for that relationship. Still, the death of the Marquis fell on Valentine’s Day, which is a tough way to end any marriage.

By 1875, Hatchaway had already moved on to her fourth husband, Reginald Caine. In the wake of her failed marriage to the Marquis de Doome, who wasn’t a rich man but instead a Chinese diplomat, the no longer blushing bride sought a more comfortable lifestyle. Caine was a railroad baron who discovered his fortune taken from him by his less than innocent wife. The moral of his story is that you should never marry for money.

Finally, the Black Widow Bride fell in love (ha!) with George Hightower in 1877, making him her fifth groom in less than a decade. Even Elizabeth Taylor would wince at this news. Once again, romance failed to carry the day, as Hatchaway’s final marriage was no more of a Harlequin romance than the prior ones. Hightower became the latest groom to learn that Hatchaway fittingly preferred hatchets in lieu of divorce papers. It’s this failed relationship that’s most important to our story, though.

Prior to his “accidentally” getting chopped into dozens of pieces, Hightower had come into some property. Conveniently located in New Orleans Square, this estate is now my home. Yes, prior to her death, Constance Hatchaway became the owner of The Haunted Mansion or at least one of them. That title was always in dispute. In an awkward turn of events, several of Hatchaway’s exes now reside on the house grounds as well. Even in a dwelling full of nearly a thousand spirits, that’s an uncomfortable situation. The Black Widow Bride doesn’t help the situation any with her taunting. As you may know, she loves to recite this ill-tempered lyric:

"We'll live happily ever after

Till death do us part

Here comes the bride

As long as we both *pause* shall live

For better or for *pause* worse

I do, I did

In sickness and in *pause* wealth

You may now kiss the bride."

Apparently, Hatchaway didn’t find enough satisfaction in killing her husbands and then taking all their wealth as well as their real estate holdings. She has to taunt them in death as well. In hindsight, maybe Gore had the right idea about her. That might have been a kill or be killed situation. All of Hatchaway’s relationships are like Mr. and Mrs. Smith, only Angelina Jolie’s bullets never miss.

Finally, I’d like to offer one final note about the Black Widow Bride’s final victim, I mean husband. Mr. Hightower’s lineage suggests that he is a blood relative of another famous Disney character. I’m speaking, of course, of Harrison Hightower III, the New York tycoon who famously disappeared on New Year’s Eve of 1899. You may know him better as the owner of Hotel Hightower or, as it has come to be known after his death, the Tower of Terror. For incredibly wealthy property owners, the Hightowers were undeniably unlucky in life. They’re also a bit of a pill in death.

The multiple versions of the Bride

The American version of the Bride is fairly consistent at Walt Disney World and Disneyland. Constance Hatchaway is the marrying kind beyond a point of fault. She’s also good with oversized cutlery. When guests reach her portion of the Attic, she gleefully hints at dastardly deeds that restored her status as a swinging (get it?) single. The tell-tale silver hatchet appears as she recites her fatal and fatalistic lyric.

Disney’s Imagineers have lovingly crafted an atmospheric reminder of Constance’s many wedding days. Bridal gifts litter the area, and she’s sentimental enough to populate her residence with mementos of her former husbands. Why people continued to offer wedding gifts for the later marriages is a bit of a mystery. Then again, the Black Widow Bride is someone whom friends (well, acquaintances) would want to keep happy and not grudge-y.

Perhaps the most interesting fan theory that Disney has yet to confirm is that the Black Widow Bride also makes an appearance in the Stretching Room. You remember the widow who sits on the tombstone that reads, “Rest in Peace, Dear Beloved George,” right? Since Mr. Hightower, her fifth husband former owner of The Haunted Mansion, is also named George and the image shows him with a hatchet in his head, the story fits.

Is it true? I, the Ghost Host, won’t say for sure, but Disney’s Imagineers certainly want you to believe it’s possible. The scary – and thereby magnificent – thought is that dear Mrs. Hatchaway must have lived a long and happy life after her final failed attempt at marriage. This turn of events may single-handedly disprove the notion of karma.

Who says it pays to be nice?

The primary international version of the Bride also operates against the notion of karma. At Phantom Manor in Disneyland Paris, the bride is a much kinder woman named Melanie Ravenswood. Her life hasn’t worked out quite as tidily as Hatchaway’s, though. A sheltered woman born with a silver spoon, Ravenswood is the apple of her parents’ collective eye. Eventually, she grew into adulthood and moved out of their mansion to live with the local townsfolk of Thunder Mesa, which Disney fans know as the city closest to Big Thunder Mountain.

Not coincidentally, Ravenswood falls in love with a train engineer working at Thunder Mesa. They plan their wedding together, and she has no plans to put a hatchet in his throat during the honeymoon, which clearly differentiates her from Hatchaway.

Tragedy strikes the city of Thunder Mesa when a major earthquake destroys the town. In the process, hundreds of citizens die. Among them are Henry and Martha Ravenswood, Melanie’s parents. Despite her heartbreak, she resolved to marry her engineer. At least she would have if he had bothered to show up for their wedding. Whether he died during the earthquake or simply got cold feet, Melanie Ravenswood never gave up hope. She did, however, gradually lose her marbles as days turned to weeks then months, years, and finally decades.

Phantom Manor delivers an entirely new spin on The Haunted Mansion concept. The protagonist is a suffering spirit with a good heart. Throughout the ride, Ravenswood appears, revealing parts of her life story in the process. She also offers warnings to Doom Buggies as they traverse the scarier portions of the Ravenswood estate. Eventually, they learn that an evil entity known only as Phantom hung her boyfriend from the rafters, thereby preventing him from marrying Melanie. She and the Phantom constantly fight for supremacy of Phantom Manor as well as control of its inhabitants, living and dead. While you might feel otherwise, I root for the Phantom since he is the French version of yours truly.