3. “There can only be one!”

Crowds do weird things to the human psyche. It’s inevitable that in a place as busy as a theme park, some human-bumper-car moments are likely to occur. Shoulders get inadvertently clipped, umbrellas get a little too close to the nearest set of squishy eyeballs, chance encounters between random guests turn into psychological duels for dominance…

Wait, what?

Uncomfortable face-offs between total strangers in the midst of bustling crowds are a hallmark tradition of theme parks. Most of these encounters aren’t particularly intense—just a natural case of two people going opposite directions choosing the same trajectory to walk. Most cases end without incident, sometimes with some good-natured chuckling or in more extreme cases, with the participants attempting to waltz around each other like clumsy re-enactors performing an Elizabethan court dance.

On some occasions, however, these accidental confrontations get weird… really weird… like laser-beam-eye-contact weird.

I’m not sure what possesses some theme park visitors to treat potential brushes with another guest as the throwing of an unseen gauntlet. Instead of the usual polite shuffle left or right so you can go on your merry way, tensions suddenly thicken. It usually happens so fast, you can’t even process the signs—the shift to a combative stance, the razor-focus of competition glazing over their eyes, the subtle widening of the shoulders that says in no uncertain terms, “Wanna know why they call me the freight train?”

At that point, you realize you’re dealing with a genuine Disney parks Highlander planning to cut straight through you—for there can only be one…

Yeah, it’s weird. It happens often enough, I tend to just grimace and get out of the way, only muttering in annoyance or saying something if things get really aggressive. My husband has on occasion simply planted his feet and let the challenger plow into him, only to have the tension dissipate as the guest snaps out of their trance, hurriedly apologizing for looking like a goof in the midst of a busy crowd.

Whatever your tactic, know you’ll always find a few would-be Juggernauts waiting to prove themselves an unstoppable force in the midst of every Disney crowd

4. The anti-social distancer

The last few years following the arrival of the COVID-19 pandemic brought a number of difficult changes to the world of theme parks. People have different opinions about these, but one I actually was a fan of was the institution of social distancing in lines. Sure, it was a pain that queues had to wind through the parks in serpentine patterns to keep people six feet apart, but the trade-off was the bliss of having some significant personal space while waiting in line.

The days of social distancing measures have pretty much passed (at least at the time of this writing), meaning Disney has returned to the old fashioned method of packing people tightly into queues to make maximum usage of space. While this has allowed for the removal of confusing positioning stickers and barriers, it meant the inevitable return of one of the most notorious perpetrators of uncomfortable moments in Disney parks.

The anti-social distancer.

I’m not talking about people who had mixed feelings about social distancing—I’m talking about that one guy/gal/party in line who has no concept of personal space. It’s the person who insists on standing uncomfortably close no matter how much space might be available, and no matter how far you shuffle, you end up feeling like you’re back on the ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter with a not-Xenomorph breathing on your neck.

What’s a person to do when this happens, especially if the issue isn’t a simple cultural difference? Subtly elbow the neck-breather? Turn and stare disapprovingly? Crop dust them with a silent poot? In some cases, an opportunity can arise to just politely ask for a little more space, but these moments are tricky to navigate on the best days. Sometimes the best you can do is just position yourself to minimize the weirdness and address it directly if things get just too creepy.

There is surely nothing worse than accidentally bulldozing a kid!...