Jurassic World: The Other Ride

As the first videos and snapshots leaked out of Universal Studios Beijing, Jurassic World Adventure quickly became the spectacle to beat.

Adapting the time-honored lizard-gets-loose plot to the equally time-honored Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man ride system allowed Creative to finally do what it never could on water - at long last, the dinosaurs can chase the cars. That full-size Indominus Rex taking full-size strides announced a new high-water mark in robotic animation. Naturally, wishfully, that got people thinking.

Will Jurassic World Adventure ever make it to Florida?

No, not within any fathomable timetable.

For one thing, it’s got nowhere to go.

The expansion pad originally slated for its Jeep ride predecessor is now occupied by Skull Island: Reign of Kong. If Universal ever decides to undertake the Herculean task of leveling the River Adventure and starting from scratch, that rouses the unified-land headaches. Assuming it did end up in Islands of Adventure, the attraction would be sandwiched between The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man and Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, two hall-of-famer forebears that have yet to age a day.

And so, goes some of that wishful thinking, it should be moved to Epic Universe with a dedicated Jurassic World land.

Velocicoaster kills that idea stone dead and what little we know of the Epic tenants is enough to bury it. There’s no reason for Universal to attempt a switcheroo, building a new Jurassic Park land elsewhere in Orlando and converting the existing area into Jurassic World. At best, you’d have both guest service counters ten-bodies-deep with tourists complaining they couldn’t find the right dinosaur ride.

An expanded Jurassic World would make a swell addition, in part due to Universal Orlando’s ongoing lack of a quasi-futuristic area, but it’s just not in the cards anytime soon. The technological advancements of Jurassic World Adventure, however, are already on the way.

Secret Life of Pets: Off the Leash!

It’s easy to forget that Off the Leash! is Universal’s first animatronic-heavy dark ride in the States since Men in Black: Alien Attack and, before that, E.T. Adventure. Though reviews and reports have been hobbled slightly by the ongoing pandemic, all signs point to it being a winner. At the very least, the internet wants more.

It’s charming. It’s family-friendly. It’s got plush toys to spare, some of which are already packing shelves in Wossamatta-U. Can’t miss, right?

Consider the tragic tale of Kung Fu Panda: The Emperor’s Quest.

When Universal Studios Hollywood’s Shrek 4-D moved on to the big swamp in the sky in 2017, there were high hopes for its replacement. After all, even four years ago, Shrek was getting a little long in the earstalk. The DreamWorks Theatre opened the following year as a flex space done to the nines, ready-built to cycle the studio’s stable of characters. Kung Fu Panda was first in line.

Everyone waited for the announcement that Florida would follow suit, turning Soundstage 4D into a less-permanent effects-show venue. A misfired tweet from the official Universal Orlando account just months before the opening of Hollywood’s replacement seemed to spell convenient enough doom.

To date, the only other park to play that film was Motiongate Dubai and they had it two years earlier.

So what happened?

Nothing. The mutedly positive reception of the Hollywood addition might’ve had something to do with that, but who knows? The point is that the obvious move wasn’t.

It’s clear at this point that Secret Life of Pets is not moving into Soundstage 4D. There’s little evidence beyond convenience to believe the abandoned Toon Lagoon amphitheater is where it’ll land instead. Universal Studios Florida has two animatronic-heavy dark rides. Islands of Adventure makes due with The Cat in the Hat. When Off the Leash! opened in Hollywood, the park had been without an all-ages dark ride for 18 years. Neither of the Florida parks have such a problem nor will Epic Universe.

With most of the attention between now and that grand opening likely to be spent - already being spent - on the older gate, there’s not much reason to believe Universal will ship this over anytime soon.

An expanded Jurassic World would make a swell addition, in part due to Universal Orlando’s ongoing lack of a quasi-futuristic area, but it’s just not in the cards anytime soon. The technological advancements of Jurassic World Adventure, however, are already on the way.