7. Jurassic Park River Adventure (TPT Ranking: #77 overall)

In the years prior to the introduction of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, several Universal attractions could stake a claim as having the best theme. Jurassic Park: The Ride was my favorite since it was such a dutiful interpretation of the first movie. Yes, it’s a river ride akin to Popeye, but it’s also so much more than that.

On this ride, the raft literally drives up to the opening of Jurassic Park. Then, the gates open, the river pushes the rider downstream, and several Audio-Animatronic (AA) dinosaurs come into view. There’s even narration as if you’re a guest of Jurassic Park rather than Universal Studios, the closest thing in the theme park industry to Shakespeare’s play within a play. Also, without spoiling the surprise, something else unexpected happens that changes the dynamic of the attraction. You can watch the video above to see what I mean.

Jurassic Park: The Ride is a bit long in the tooth, and I suspect that hurts its voting. It’s a thematic masterpiece, though. Out of the ten entries on the list, it’s the one that I think you’ve lowballed the most. Only two or arguably three of the listings above are clearly superior to it.

6. Dudley Do-Right's Ripsaw Falls (TPT Ranking: #72 overall)

The third (and thankfully final) water ride on this list is another example that during its early years, Universal was willing to try any and all intellectual properties while developing their themed attractions. Dudley Do-Right is a cartoon character who somehow escaped from The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show to become his own thing. You may picture him as Brendan Fraser, who played the character in a movie that opened the same year as Islands of Adventure. Oddly, this isn’t Fraser’s only appearance on this list, which means that his career is in better shape in Orlando than Hollywood. But I digress.

Dudley Do-Right’s Ripsaw Falls tells an exaggerated story of villainy involving the dastardly Snidely Whiplash, who literally ties a woman to train tracks at one point in the ride. A silly tone permeates throughout the metics. Then, the word BOOM will tip you off that you’re about to need a change of clothing. Ripsaw Falls is too derivative for me to rank it ahead of Jurassic Park: The Ride, but I understand why you like it so much. As far as Splash Mountain knockoffs go, this one is a lot of fun.

5. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish (TPT Ranking: #43 overall)

Okay, TPT is full of stoners. Good to know.

Seriously, if I were at a carnival, this ride wouldn’t impress me. How in the world did it wind up this *ahem* high? Is it the song?

4. Revenge of the Mummy: The Ride (TPT Ranking: #14 overall)

Okay, let’s take a moment to appreciate the actual TPT ranking numbers. Half this list includes attractions ranked #70 or lower. Then, there’s one in middle followed by another extensive gap. The top four rides at Universal Orlando Resort are all ranked in the top 14, indicating that you only feel strongly about them. So, there’s a line of demarcation between the rest of the list and the rides we discuss from now on.

The first of the Big Four, the one I would rank higher, is the second Brendan Fraser entry. He famously introduced the character of Rick O’Connell in the 1999 update of the classic Universal story, and he plays himself during the post-show. It…doesn’t end well for him.

Before Fraser dies horribly, Universal treats their guests to a kickass roller coaster experience. It goes forward and backward at times while offering a blazing amount of heat at a couple of unexpected moments. Revenge of the Mummy reminds me of Twilight Zone Tower of Terror in that it’s the right combination of themed attraction and dynamic ride experience.