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    What Your Favorite Magic Kingdom Ride Says about You

    Many Disney fans can become a bit obsessive about their favorite rides. I speak from experience on this, as I look around the house and note literally dozens of Haunted Mansion collectibles that my wife has acquired over the years. People who love Disney have a tendency to fall in love with particular attractions that match their personality. And this thought process caused a couple of us at Theme Park Tourist to wonder what that means. Here’s our interpretation of what your favorite Magic Kingdom attraction says about you.

    Space Mountain

    Image: Disney

    One thing is certain. You are not afraid of the dark. You are perfectly willing not only to enter the unknown but also embrace it. Similarly, you attack your fears rather than running from them. You would’ve made a marvelous astronaut back in the early days of the Space Age. You want to be out there on the cutting edge, enjoying every voyage of discovery possible.

    You’re also an early adopter who loves the latest and greatest technologies, even if some of them are what the future looked like to people in the 1970s. So, you like your futuristic technology styled to be a bit retro. You also probably follow NASA on social media. Finally, it’s clear that you prefer staying indoors to going outside.

    Peter Pan’s Flight

    Image: Disney

    Let’s address the pink elephant in the living room first. They don’t call it Peter Pan Syndrome for nothing. You probably never wanted to grow up and still experience your fair share of arrested development. That’s likely the case with many of the most diehard fans, and I for one own and embrace it. What’s so great about being a grown-up anyway? We should all aspire to be young at heart. I’m confident Walt Disney would agree with that notion.

    You also wish you were a bird. There’s something about the experience of flight that makes you wish you were born with wings. You love feeling untethered and free, floating through the air. You also love escaping into a fantasy world from time to time, although I like to think you choose a happier place to visit than Captain Hook’s part of Neverland. 

    Jungle Cruise

    Image: Disney

    Everyone groans at your jokes. You likely repeat some of them every time you meet a new person, even if they’re accompanied by other folks that you know you’ve told the same joke dozens of times before. You think you’ve mastered puns, but everyone else knows the truth. NOBODY masters a pun. It’s the Cleveland Browns of joke telling.

    On the plus side, you have a wonderful sense of adventure. You’re not afraid of going out into the world and discovering new and exciting civilizations. Sure, you sometimes wind up at the top of a pole, hoping not to take a rhinoceros horn to the keister, but that’s the price you pay as an itinerant adventurer.

    You also have a love of sailing. The African Queen is probably your favorite movie. You also love The Perfect Storm, although you always seem to forget how it ends. Finally, sometimes elephants spray water from their snouts onto you. The mirth of the situation makes you feel great inside. As an fyi, that water is filthy. You really shouldn’t let them do that. There’s a fine line between adventurer and botulism victim.

    Seriously, though. Your jokes are TERRIBLE.

    Splash Mountain

    Image: Disney

    You’re also a trickster with a wicked sense of humor. You don’t mind letting a joke build for an extended period of time before finally allowing it to reach the fireworks factory. I suspect your friends fear you at times for precisely this reason. They’ve been burned before, and they don’t want it to happen again.

    You’re also a big fan of rabbits, especially compared to, say, foxes or bears. Due to this love of the cuddliest animals, you probably know every aspect of Grumpy Cat’s biography. You also follow many celebrity animals on social media. If you’re looking for more, I suggest Maru.

    I’m also guessing that you never use an umbrella and are only happy when it rains. You probably take a lot of baths, too.

    Pirates of the Caribbean

    Image: Disney

    You are not a fan of anything politically correct. You miss the days when outlaw behavior was championed rather than criticized. You never use banks, preferring to store all your personal belongings in trunks. Generally, these are not located in your house but rather at a hidden spot you discovered that you hastily marked with an X on a “map”. This “map” was really just a paper napkin from the restaurant where you ate after throwing away, err, storing all your precious valuables.

    Hygiene is not your friend. Your dog is always chewing on your keys. You love gun powder but only when cannon fire is involved. You never pay for computer software you use or movies you watch online. Also, while it’s not my place to cast aspersions, you MAY have a drinking problem. Jugs with skull faces on the front aren’t meant to be chugged in a single sitting.

    PS: Johnny Depp may have a restraining order against you. Just fyi.

    It’s a Small World

    Image: Disney

    You love mindless, repetitive tasks. You abhor innovation or creativity. All you want is to do the same thing over and over again. That’s what feels comfortable and right to you. Your musical tastes are so heinous that your friends refuse to ride in the same car as you.

    You love creepy dolls so much that the local police department keeps you on speed dial in case any neighbors ever go missing. On the plus side, you’re the polar opposite of a xenophobe. Also, you certainly don’t get tired of anything quickly.

    Seven Dwarfs Mine Train

    Image: Disney

    There is a six in seven chance that you are insanely upbeat. You love the classics. You’re also a tireless worker although you never eat an apple during your lunch break just to be safe. Tyrion is your favorite character on Game of Thrones, although that’s common sense more than anything else. You love to sing while on the job, and you’ve somehow found a workplace where such behavior is acceptable. However, you do NOT like the song Short People by Randy Newman, and none of you ever sings that.

    You’re also a big fan of rock, whether it’s the type you chisel, the kind you listen to, or the forms of transportation that sway back and forth. You love precious jewels, but you’re not the miserly kind. You share them with all your friends. Finally, you have an extremely distinctive name, like former NBA player Sleepy Floyd. It’s either that or you earned a doctorate in something.

    Big Thunder Mountain

    Image: Disney

    You dream about frontier living in the Gold Rush era. Deadwood is probably your favorite TV show. You think that smooth rides are for wusses. You’re a bigger train buff than The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper. You like to keep your bathtub outside, a la Petticoat Junction, and you don’t take your clothes off when you use it.

    You’re also the one person on the planet who enjoyed the movie Wild, Wild West. You know that there are better mountain ranges nearby, but you still swear that yours is the best. Sometimes you feel like the only person left in town, and you’re always vaguely disappointed when tumbleweeds don’t float by.

    The Hall of Presidents

    Image: Disney

    You are a political animal. You never yawn once during long speeches, and you haven’t ever missed a Presidential debate. You love The West Wing in a way that even Martin Sheen doesn’t. You picketed the opening weekend of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. When you see the presidential heads in the jars on Futurama, you know that other people think it’s funny, but you wonder if it’s technically possible. You’re vaguely disappointed your father didn’t found anything. Finally, your greatest dream is that animatronic Abraham Lincoln will gain sentience and run for president.

    Under the Sea ~ Journey of the Little Mermaid

    Image: Disney

    All you want for Christmas is thingamabobs, even though you already have 20. At restaurants, you confidently order octopus, muttering to the waiter, “It knows what it did.” Your favorite planet is Neptune. Once you get done at Magic Kingdom, you reflexively head to the pool.

    You prefer star-crossed love. You have an overprotective father. There is blue blood in your veins, but your friends all find you humble. You place an undue amount of pressure on the outcome of a kiss. Finally, you look great in a bathing suit, although you do get weird looks when you get out of the pool.

    Haunted Mansion

    Image: Disney

    You are way into the supernatural. Like, calling you a goth girl or guy is stating the obvious too much. You likely had strong opinions about Team Edward or Team Jacob back in the day. You also binge-watch shows like Vampire Diaries, Teen Wolf, and Supernatural. Meanwhile, you despise Eddie Murphy and have held a grudge ever since you saw him ruin the movie adaptation of The Haunted Mansion.

    I would imagine you’re unbearable around Halloween. You have all kinds of knickknacks and accessories you only break out during this time of year. Most of them are in black and have skulls on them. You have a Room for One More tattoo and never say no to hitchhikers, secretly hoping they’re ghosts. You want to live forever, although you’d prefer to be undead rather than alive.

    You also have a dim view of marriage and believe that becoming a widow by illegal circumstances is perfectly justified in the right situations. And while you’re not much into fashion, you have a lot of hatboxes lying around. Additionally, you’d love your life to have a caustic narrator. Then, everything interesting that happens could turn into the most macabre interpretation possible.  Finally, you own a Volkswagen, which you lovingly call your Doom Buggy.