5. It’s Tough to Be a Bug

Expectation: A cheeky educational film based on a really cute kids movie

Reality: Cartoon bugs seek merciless revenge on human oppressors. Chameleon saves us. All hail the chameleon.

We picked on this surprisingly-controversial attraction at length recently, but I’ll recap the basic premise here. It’s Tough to Be a Bug shouldn’t be a particularly complicated show. It has all the makings of an adorable 3D romp from cute bugs, to silly humor, to quirky characters from a charming film…

Unfortunately for some audience members, It’s Tough to Be a Bug ultimately plays out like a complicated psychological experiment to see how close Disney Imagineers could push audiences to madness while still maintaining the guise of a kid’s movie…

I respect that many fans like the show—that’s fine and good—but if you are squeamish about bugs, there are so many things wrong with this attraction. From act one on, it feels like it never stops trying to convince us we’re back in middle school—it shoots pointy things at us, sprays us with termite spit, farts in the face of its trapped audience… and that’s not even the worst part.

The two minutes after Hopper shows up are some of the most intense minutes in any Disney parks attraction—in the span of seconds, we’re gassed in a dark room with noxious fumes, ambushed by murder spiders, and even treated to a simulated hornet sting—literally stabbed in the back by Disney magic. By the time the chameleon finally shows up to the save the day, many audience members are coming completely unglued, shrieking as genuine fears are tapped without mercy.

Oh, and if that’s not enough, they make sure you don’t leave without the charming sensation of 1000 palmetto bugs tickling your legs… jeebly-jeebly-jeebly-jeebly….

6. Injun Joe’s Cave on Tom Sawyer Island

Expectation: Side quest to explore a curious cave on Twain-inspired playground island

Reality: Hapless parkgoer is lost forever in labyrinthine murder dungeon

My favorite article I ever wrote happens to be about Tom Sawyer Island, and I stand by what I said in that partially-satirical piece: Injun Joe’s Cave might be the scariest place in Walt Disney World and Disneyland.

Many guests have never had the pleasure of venturing out to Tom Sawyer Island. It’s easy to miss on the average Disney day—the island is often closed depending on park hours, capacity, and renovations. If you get the chance, I recommend every guest make it out there at least once. It’s a delightful place, a massive playground full of mystery mines, historic buildings to explore, peaceful porches, and even a serial killer cave.

Yup.

Those unfamiliar with The Adventures of Tom Sawyer may not know Injun Joe, owner of the island’s namesake cave. In short, Joe is a homicidal maniac--a bad, bad dude… Like the type of guy who digs up dead bodies and carves up sweet old ladies and squishy park guests.

It only takes a few minutes for you to realize there’s something off inside Joe’s cave… It’s dark—like “I really hope I don’t walk face-first into a wall” dark. The winding underground path is lit only by a few dim lanterns here and there. It’s particularly bad if you’re the only person inside—or is it? Is that a snickering child who just brushed past your leg or something else?

Dark pathways lead to Moria-like cages, bottomless pits, and leering skulls with glowing eyes. Haunting voices wail within the very walls—the souls of Joe’s victims? Every passing breeze feels like the breath of a machete-wielding psychopath. You pick up the pace, your walk hastening to a panicked sprint—you freeze, paralyzed as a figure looms between you and the light. It can’t be…

“CARL!” it roars.

You tremble, a scream hanging on your lips… Your name isn’t—

“WILL YOU HURRY UP! WE’RE GOING TO MISS OUR BE-OUR-GUEST RESERVATION!”

A quivering soul in a set of Mickey ears emerges beside you, glancing at you nervously as he returns to his family and the realm of the Daywalkers. You share a look of understanding, for you have both withstood the baptism by fire which is Injun Joe’s Cave.

7. Countdown to Extinction / Dinosaur

Expectation: A rousing time travel adventure with a friendly iguanadon

Reality: Foolish guests are transported to final moments before fiery mass extinction—unhappy murder-saurs choose you as final meal

Dinosaur has one of the most complicated attraction histories of any ride at Walt Disney World—it’s the only attraction I’m aware of that our resident Disney history expert didn’t know how to classify when he recapped its incredible history. Is it a Modern Marvel? A Disaster Story? A Lost Legend?

A little bit of all three, but one thing is for sure—it’s scary as all get out.

The decision to transform Countdown to Extinction to the presumably-tamer Dinosaur remains a truly puzzling choice on Disney’s part. Someone basically said let’s take one of the most terrifying Disney attractions ever made, retheme it after a docile kid’s film, but keep the ride almost exactly the same.

The original version of this ride didn’t necessarily hide how scary it was--Countdown to Extinction was pants-peeing-terrifying. The backstory for the ride was a little bleaker, and the actual ride took place almost entirely in the dark, only interrupted by one shriek-inducing jump scare after another. Countdown to Extinction wasn’t just a simple thrill ride—it tried to outdo Jurassic Park at its own game. The entire ride was out of the frying pan, into the fire—meteors blast the earth as the final moments of the Cretaceous period barrel towards you. With the exception of your iguanadon target, every creature in sight wants you dead, culminating in a terrifyingly real chase with a horned carnotaurus who physically sprints after your vehicle as you race time itself.

It was a confusing time for the Walt Disney Company, and it seems Michael Eisner had really set his hopes that Dinosaur would be one of their most successful films ever. He seemingly put so much stake in the film that Countdown to Extinction was ultimately rethemed after it.

Needless to say, Dinosaur isn’t too many people’s favorite Disney film… most kids may not even realize it is a Disney film.

Adjusting Countdown to Extinction to sort-of match Dinosaur’s tone meant cutting some of the scariness from the ride. The ride was made less jostling (allowing for shorter riders), the audio was toned down, the dialogue adjusted, and the carnotaurus was adjusted to give audiences a little more of a head start. Instead of racing ravenously after us, he sort of awkwardly glides into our path. All in all, the ride isn’t nearly as scary as it was before…

But it’s still pretty terrifying for a ride named after a cuddly kid’s film…

8. It’s a Small World

Expectation: Happy dolls just want everyone to get along

Reality: Doll army drives generations of parents mad through repetition of earworm melody

Just kidding! Unless you have a fear of glassy-eyed singing dolls… Jeebly-jeebly-jeebly…

Enjoy this article? Keep reading to find out why one of the controversial attractions mentioned is just the worst for some fans or to dive into 10 Crazy (And Adorable) Things You Might Have Done as a Disney Kid.