Epcot

Okay, Epcot is more challenging than the other parks because I previously selected the obvious choice, Spaceship Earth. It comes with the stature that a person should expect of an attraction on Disney’s Mount Rushmore. However, it’s not the only ride at Epcot that has an argument.

On the contrary, I initially shortlisted Soarin', Test Track, Mission: SPACE, and Frozen Ever After. Due to its history, I even considered Journey into Imagination with Figment, but…you know. I just can’t with the current version.

So, let’s take a look at the other candidates. Soarin’ is a true masterpiece, with Imagineering genius visible from the start to the end of the ride experience. It has two knocks against it. One is that it’s not an Epcot attraction originally, a fair criticism, and the other is that Soarin’ around the World is broken in one part. The Eiffel Tower famously tilts when viewers look at the screen from the sides.

Test Track's candidacy centers on its originality as a combination dark ride and roller coaster. In industry jargon, it's a high-speed indoor slot car attraction, which means that the vehicles are on grooves similar to the ones in children's car track playsets. It's visually stunning and aggressively thrilling at stages. On the downside, there are three versions of this attraction at Disney theme parks; Epcot's is the "worst" of them.

Mission: SPACE has garnered as many headlines as any 21^st century Disney attraction. Not all of them are good, of course, but the intent was to construct an astronaut simulator of sorts. Imagineers liaised with actual NASA employees, some of whom had actually been to outer space. It's a theme park project of rare stature and merits respect and admiration, if not adoration.

Then, there’s the hottest ride at Epcot these days, Frozen Ever After. It took some of the best features of a good ride, Maelstrom, and elevated them via Frozen theming. In other words, it’s pure Disney magic, with the ideal combination of technical innovation and Arendelle settings. It faces that issue of recency, though. I suspect that when Guardians of the Galaxy and Ratatouille rides are open to the public, Frozen Ever After may lose some of its luster.

After a great deal of debate, I decided that Soarin’ deserves the Epcot spot on Mount Rushmore. It comes with the most grandeur and status among Disney and non-Disney fans alike. Since it’s nearly 20 years old, it’s stood the test of time more than Frozen Ever After, my backup selection. Don’t @ me, Team Arendelle.

Disney’s Hollywood Studios

Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge and Toy Story Land are all the rage at Hollywood Studios these days. The traffic flow to that side of the park is undeniably lopsided, but recency bias eliminates the contenders from these two themed lands.

So, I can’t honor Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run, Slinky Dog Dash, or Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance yet. And The Great Movie Ride no longer exists for reasons that will never make sense to me. Ergo, the field quickly narrows to Star Tours, Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith, and Twilight Zone Tower of Terror.

One of these options figuratively and literally towers over the others, but let’s quickly evaluate the others. Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster is 82 seconds of adrenaline, with ride start unlike any other at Walt Disney World. Your stretch limousine goes from zero to 57 miles per hour in less than three seconds. The rush is aided by the soundtrack of classic Aerosmith hits. The ride’s spectacular, it’s just too short to qualify for Mount Rushmore.

Star Tours has anchored Echo Lake since 1989, as the ride opened roughly seven months after the park did. It’s a seminal part of any Hollywood Studios visit and has been for 30 years now. Disney also does a masterful job of refreshing it, as Imagineers add scenes from new Star Wars movies when appropriate.

I’d go so far as to say that Smugglers Run is a more elaborate version of Star Tours, proving that the concept’s still sound. I’ve got no negatives to mention about Star Tours. There’s just something better at Hollywood Studios.

Twilight Zone Tower of Terror is a perfect attraction. I hated leaving it off of last year’s list, but it lacks the name recognition and overall branding of the stuff that I included on Disney’s overall Mount Rushmore of rides.

At Hollywood Studios, however, Tower of Terror is the biggest fish in a small but high-quality pond. Its theming is impeccable, the ride experience is euphoric, and the cast members seem thrilled to work here. There’s just no other Hollywood Studios ride that can compete with Twilight Zone Tower of Terror for this honor.