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Join Club 33

Image: DisneySure, Victoria & Albert’s tasted delicious, but you just couldn't get past the other patrons, could you? That place doesn't separate the riff-raff from those of your stature. Anyone with a few hundred dollars can go there. No, you need somewhere more exclusive.

You need Club 33.

Disney designed this exclusive membership program for people like you. Even during the 1960s, Walt Disney recognized that some high-profile guests would need a place of their own. Club 33 at New Orleans Square became the place for Southern California’s elite to join.

A couple of years ago, Walt Disney World received its own version. The Orlando version is a bit different in that it includes four different restaurants, one at each theme park. For a paltry $48,000, you can join and pay for a year of membership. After that, you'll spend a modest $15,000 annually to avoid interacting with the peasants regular patrons at Disney restaurants.

Hire a plaid

Image: DisneySpeaking of regular patrons, Walt Disney World theme parks would be spectacular if not for the long lines, right? Thankfully, park officials understand that important people, such as you, shouldn't suffer through such indignities. They sell a package that will allow you to buy your way to the front of the line!

Private VIP tours cost $425 an hour to start and could be as much as $200 more, depending on when you visit. Disney does require a seven-hour minimum, which means that you'll pay about $3,000 to skip the lines. What do you care, though? You've got hundreds of shares of Berkshire Hathaway, after all.

What do you get for the money? A tour guide, aka a Plaid, will become your Disney World Sherpa. This person will chauffeur you around in a private van, taking you and up to nine of your closest friends/servants to the various parks.

Image: DisneyOnce you’re inside, you’ll get to enter the FastPass queue at some attractions. In some situations, you’ll skip the line entirely by entering through a hidden access point. You’ll board the ride before any of the little people.

Also, you can repeat attractions as often as you like. If you want to do Splash Mountain 15 times, your Plaid will make it happen. And they’ll feed you snacks and water when you get dehydrated.

Are you worried that your party has more than 10 people? No problem! Disney will happily rent you a second plaid for merely twice the price! You could feasibly wander around the Disney campus with 100 accountants, bankers, and lawyers. All it would cost you is $30,000! Your lawyers probably bill you that per hour anyway!

Purchase a second (or third or fourth) vacation home

Image: DisneyHow are your real estate investments these days? It never hurts to sink a bit more capital into the market while the bubble is nice and big. After all, housing bubbles never burst, and you never touch your principal anyway.

While you’re on the market for your latest vacation home, you might as well do it right. Sure, you could purchase a private island, but could you ride Space Mountain there? No, what you need to do is buy a Disney house. Disney will let you do it, too.

The priciest of all splurges at Walt Disney World is purchase a home at Golden Oak. This neighborhood exists for the crème de la crème of theme park tourists. It’s a series of housing developments on the Disney campus.

Image: DisneyWhen you buy one of these homes, you live at the Most Magical Place on Earth. You also receive exclusive benefits such as extra daily FastPasses and special transportation to and from the parks.

While others in the boardroom may brag about an Irish castle or a Wyoming rancher-mansion, you can say that you drive to see Mickey Mouse every day. And I don’t care how rich anyone is. Mickey Mouse trumpets all.

To make Disney your vacation (or permanent) home, you’ll need to spend at least $2.6 million. Of course, that’s for a paltry 3,911-square foot home. You have grander ambitions, right? You should splurge on one of the $5 million options. They’re closer to the 7,000-square foot range that you’ve grown accustomed to having.

 

 
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