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“Don’t believe everything you read,” he says, understanding that you’re currently reading his writing.

Yes, I'm mindful of the mixed message that I'm giving you here. I'm about to explain why you shouldn't trust every crazy nonsensical rumor that you hear about Disney and the Freemasons or the Illuminati or the Stonecutters or whatever. Here are some Mythbusters on the strangest Disney rumors.

Rumor: Goofy is a cow

Accuracy: FALSE

Image: DisneySometimes, someone gets bored and makes something up entirely. You’ll notice this pattern during today’s discussion. Many of the most famous Disney rumors have no basis in reality and fail the laugh test completely. Even so, they get recited as fact by the gullible and the intellectually dishonest.

For example, an obscure website postured that it had performed exhaustive research on one of the Sensational Six. Their conclusion suggested that Goofy isn’t a dog but instead a cow. Try not to laugh. It’s ridiculous nonsense, of course, but that didn’t stop the idea from trending on social media several years after the original story had published.

The only defensible point in the argument involved Clarabell, a cow and sometimes paramour of Goofy. The writer indicated that in the Disney cartoon realm, mice date mice and ducks date ducks. Ergo, if Clarabell is a cow, Goofy must be a cow.

I shouldn’t have to tell you how stupid this is. In fact, someone needs to tell the original author about cows and bulls. By the writer’s own logic, Goofy wouldn’t be a cow. Goofy doesn’t moo, everyone. 

Rumor Walt Disney’s head is in a jar

Accuracy: FALSE

Image: DisneySome truth-seeking websites exist primarily to guide the easily manipulated toward, you know, reality. I mention this because the entire reason that Snopes has become so popular is quite possibly due to a longstanding rumor about Walt Disney.

As everyone has heard, Walt Disney’s head allegedly resides in a cryogenically frozen state in some jar in a lab. This rumor is so old that Snopes first disproved it in 1995, back before most people had heard of the internet…and even before some people reading this were born.

I don’t often use the term cockamamie, but I can think of no better description of this nonsense. For starters, this sort of scientific procedure was barely even possible when Disney died. Someone only suggested the premise a few years before Disney contracted cancer.

Also, the difference in time between something is discussed versus when it’s technologically viable varies greatly. As an example, I’ve mentioned Hyperloop here on several occasions. It’s still a few years away from practical usage, assuming that day ever comes. No functional cryogenic services were available when Disney died. And it wouldn’t have mattered if they were.

The timespan between Walt Disney’s cancer diagnosis and his death was less than two months. Doctors informed him of the gravity of his situation in November of 1966. He died on December 15th, and the speed of his decline surprised all involved.

Disney had worked 10 straight days at one point in November, even after learning he had cancer. If he'd thought he was in jeopardy of dying, he would have taken some time off. He could not research the technological possibilities and challenges of a brand new and scientifically unproven idea like cryogenic freezing.

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Comments

Thanks for a fun read. I had never heard anyone speculate that Goofy is a cow but that made me crack up. I guess it is a little weird that Goofy can talk and Pluto can't. But whatever, it's cartoons, anything goes! (Wonder if Mickey has ever had a rodent infestation in his home?)

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