Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress - “It’ll never work!”

Image: doctorow, Flickr (license)

The Carousel of Progress is the one attraction that best encapsulates everything Walt Disney was passionate about in his life. It tells the story of the American family through the 20th century, and it does so using what was, at the time of its creation, cutting edge technology.

But, at the heart of it all is a warm and inviting narrator whose love of progress is only surpassed by his surefire belief that he’s living in the most amazing time that ever would be.

Nowhere is that more evident in the attraction than in its running gag, masterfully set up in the “Turn of the Century” scene. The father, recanting the news of the day, assuredly tells us, “I even hear tell about two brothers from North Carolina who are working on some kind of flying contraption. It’ll never work.”

Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room - “So low, we can’t hear you!”

Image: aloha75, Flickr (license)

When the Enchanted Tiki Room debuted in 1963 at Disneyland, it was the very first attraction to use Disney’s now-ubiquitous audio-animatronics system. Originally intended to be a restaurant, the show has experienced a variety of changes over the year - most notably in the Walt Disney World iteration of the attraction.

But, what has endured is the attraction’s most famous song, penned by the incomparable Sherman Brothers: The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room.

During that song, one of Disney’s greatest quips can be heard. As one bird, Michael, proudly proclaims, “I sing so beautiful, I should sing solo.”  His friend Jose’s reply is as ice cold and wonderful as can Ben, “Si. So low, we can’t hear you.”

Brutal.

 O Canada - The Narrator’s exit

Image: rain0975, Flickr (license)

Leave it to Canada to craft a beautiful yet charming CircleVision film that both captures the country’s staggering wonder and entertains all who view it. While neighboring France features a film that is a masterful multi-sensory poem dedicated to the nation’s beauty, Canada’s film is a much more light-hearted entry.

Martin Short stars as, well, himself — offering a tour of his beloved homeland with the self-deprecating wit that we’ve all grown to love from him. But he’s not the only narrator.

Oh no, we first get a movie-trailer-esque voice-over artist intoning powerfully about how big and cold Canada is before Short chases him away. Of course, he doesn’t leave before letting out one quick quip, “I’ll just go to the France Pavilion film — where they appreciate an invisible narrator.” Touché!

MuppetVision 3D - “Unfortunately, none of them showed up.”

The single funniest attraction at Walt Disney World, or any Disney Park, is of course the one penned by the master himself, Jim Henson. One of his last contributions, MuppetVision 3D remains as timeless and wonderful as it was when it first debuted.

The Muppets’ vaudevillian sensibility lends itself perfectly to the 3D spectacle, and unlike most other 3D films, it allows the attraction not to get bogged down in any useless drama. The show is just a rapid-fire onslaught of jokes, from the first moments of the pre-show to the very last Waldorf quip.

But the best joke, and the one which best encapsulates the Muppets’ entire sense of humor, comes early on as master of ceremonies Kermit the Frog describes the process by which MuppetVision 3D came into being. “We invited distinguished scientists from all over the world to come and work here,” he tells us. “Unfortunately, none of them showed up.”

Humor will always be a key part of the Disney experience, and while some of these jokes might soon disappear, they’ll surely be replaced by new classics. What are your favorite jokes from Disney attractions?