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5. Jungle Cruise – 50 minutes

Image: DisneyThis answer depends entirely on your opinion of puns. Do you love awkward wordplay and jokes that are of questionable quality? I guess what I’m asking is this. When you’re at Disney, are you in such a great mood that even the corniest shtick will put a smile on your face? If so, Jungle Cruise is the ride for you.

Personally, I find Jungle Cruise delightful and try to ride it at least each time I visit Walt Disney World or Disneyland. I do NOT, however, ride it multiple times, which is my way of saying that it’s something that I check off the list more than anything else. I don’t view a Disney trip as complete without it, but my enjoyment comes down to whether the Skipper in charge is entertaining or not. I just can’t justify a 50-minute wait on Jungle Cruise right now. This is a ride that’s desperately in need of plussing in my opinion.

Verdict: NO

4. Peter Pan’s Flight – 60 minutes

Image: DisneyIf there were an award for most colorful Disney attraction ever, Peter Pan’s Flight might win. I’m still in awe of how lustrous and shiny this ride is. From the skies of London to the pirate ship, every detail is sumptuous. I say all of this to demonstrate that I am one of the most ardent supporters of this ride that you’ll ever find. If you could walk right onto it, you would have the time of your life. For two minutes.

Herein lies the problem with Peter Pan’s Flight. Whenever I try to describe its value relative to its wait-time, I can’t help but sound vaguely euphemistic. When you determine the worth of Peter Pan’s Flight, your choice is simple. Are you willing to put in sixty minutes of effort for two minutes of fun?

You see what I mean. I’m asking that question matter-of-factly, but it certainly sounds personal and impolitic. Don’t make it dirty, people. That’s simply the choice you make for Peter Pan’s Flight. From start to finish, the ride takes 150 seconds. That’s not great. The one caveat is that the line for Peter Pan’s Flight is terrific enough that you may find it a satisfying piece of Disney magic. I just can’t overlook the size of the line relative to the ride length. It’s a long wait for a short ride. I’m more of a tantra fan, I guess.

Verdict: NO (but the line queue is possibly the best at Disney)

3. Splash Mountain – 70 minutes

Image: DisneySplash Mountain and its lesser sibling, Kali River Rapids, share a commonality. The popularity of each attraction surges dramatically as the heat rises. It’s a perfectly logical behavior. When guests are sweaty and hot, they covet the refreshing cooldown of a water ride.

Due to this quirk, the wait-time for Splash Mountain is something of a moving target. On a hot summer day, you’ll be lucky if the wait is only 70 minutes. On a colder or rainy day or even early in the day, the wait is feasibly less than 45 minutes. For this reason, Splash Mountain will have multiple answers for a lot of people.

Image: DisneyWhen you’re sweating and miserable, standing in line for 100 minutes isn’t ideal….until you splash down at the bottom of this ride. At this point, it’s like you’ve climbed a mountain. All the effort feels perfectly justified by those final few moments of glory.

I view Splash Mountain in simpler terms. It’s the most entertaining theme park attraction ever built. And Florida is always hot. Getting wet on this ride is a serendipitous bonus at the end. So, there’s just no downside here, wait-time be damned.

Verdict: YES! (and please make a killer ride photo for me)

 
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