3. Hatbox Ghost

Image: DisneyNow this guy knows how to party! He has THE best party trick imaginable. I don’t claim to understand the physics of it, but the Hatbox Ghost can make it seem like his head isn’t on his body! It’s an amazing bit of magic. First, his head is sitting right where it should be. Then, his body seems to shudder and an electric jolt courses through his torso. Next thing you know, his head is a hatbox!

I’d rank him higher but A) I’m kind of threatened by his popularity and B) he spent like 45 years working on the trick before it finally seemed believable. The first time he tried, the magic trick was so bad that he went into hiding for several decades. Still, I have to give him credit for a triumphant return. And showmanship. The Hatbox Ghost has showmanship in spades.

2. Madame Leota

Image: DisneyAh, Leota. Even her family knows that wherever she is, she’s having a ball. Out of all my party guests, she is the most impressive. After all, her head rests in a small ball yet she’s not the least bit claustrophobic. In fact, she’s a sorceress of the highest order. Whenever she chants her incantations, spirits rise from their eternal slumber to dance and sing. With Leota in attendance, this party will never lack for guests. She can simply sing new haunts into attendance once I get bored with the old ones.

1. Ghost Host

Image: DisneyEvery party needs a host, and I, your Ghost Host, have been doing just this since the day the Haunted Mansion opened.

In a previous life, I was a newlywed husband with a sordid secret. In a previous life, I’d terrorized the coast as a pirate, plundering and pillaging. I then used my ill-gotten gains to buy a mansion and romance a young bride. I only had one request: that she stay out of the attic, the place where I kept the remnants of my past. Suffice to say that she couldn’t resist the temptation of this Pandora’s Box, and I had to kill her. Then, she haunted me until I could no longer live with my misdeeds.

At the roof of the Stretching Room, you see how I chose to cast off the mortal coil. I thought it would make me feel less haunted. Even in the afterlife, life has its ironies. At least I kept my sense of humor, right?