Welcome, Foolish Mortals, to the Haunted Mansion listicle! I am your host, your Ghost Host, and am about to live every 20-something’s dream. I will rank my roommates, choosing the best ones. You see, I share housing with 998 other spirits. The perception is that they are Happy Haunts, but every supernatural being has its shortcomings.
Today, I am excluding 991 guests from a very exclusive party, a dead man’s party if you will. In their wake, I leave you with the nine greatest characters at Disney’s Haunted Mansion, grading them on whether they’re the life of my party.
9. The Phantom Five
The singing busts receive the first set of invitations for this party. After all, we will need music to keep the guests dancing. Otherwise, it would be a somber affair, and that would never do at MY Haunted Mansion. We leave the serious side to that woman in the attic.
The Phantom Five are the swinginest heads in the Haunted Mansion’s cemetery. These blokes look like marble busts from a distance. Up close, you can see that they’re really the singing undead, a jovial quintet that rivals the Dapper Dans in every way save for the lack of a body. I love these fellows, especially the one who looks like Thurl Ravenscroft. Now THAT is the type of name that belongs in a Haunted Mansion.
8. Entrails Opera Singer
I have a soft spot for the opera. It’s probably because most of them end in tragedy. At my Haunted Mansion, I host one of the world’s greatest formerly living divas. I call her the Entrails Opera Singer because I know her secret. How does she hit those high notes? Part of the sound comes from her diaphragm. The rest comes from her intestines, which conveniently wrap around her neck.
How good a singer is this woman? I’ll let you in on a secret. As a mortal, she was known as a Loulie Jean Norman, and she performed one of the most recognizable tunes on the planet. She incoherently sang the gibberish that you hear during the legendary Star Trek theme song. And she did that one WITHOUT choking on her own entrails! What a pro.