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6. Turtle Talk With Crush

One of Disney’s most impressive technologies is a 3D puppet show. You may not even realize it, but the action that you see on the giant projection screen isn’t wholly artificial. A puppeteer creates all of the movements for Crush. Then, a realtime software translator digitizes the movements onto the Crush avatar.

For children (of all ages), all of the above is a pointless explanation of Disney magic. What matters is that Turtle Talk with Crush is basically an improvisational sketch comedy. Cast members select children to ask questions of the titular turtle, and it offers hilarious rejoinders, many of which are made up on the spot. Sure, proven jokes became part of the back catalog and wind up recycled into countless shows, but the genius of this attraction is that every performance is different. That’s rare at Walt Disney World (or any theme park, for that matter).

Turtle Talk with Crush amazes children with its setup. Kids effectively get to talk to the movie screen, and it talks back! Even for adults, it’s an amazing live show that Disney presents several times each hour without duplicating a previous performance.

5. Pirates of the Caribbean

Decades before Captain Jack Sparrow redefined the attraction, Pirates of the Caribbean delighted millions of visitors with its fractured take on the lives of marauders. Picking a favorite scene or set piece from the attraction is brutal. I narrowed the list of the funniest ones down to three.

The first is the auction, a no longer politically correct exhibition in which marauders bid to “take a wench for a bride.” The scene is so over the top that it’s impossible to take seriously. Similarly, the chase scene of a woman trying to use a rolling pin to bludgeon her male friend is, you know, assault with a deadly weapon, but it’s also cartoon violence at its finest. The speed with which they circle their set piece would make Barry Allen jealous.

My favorite, however, is the timeless classic of three incarcerated men trying to lure a dog closer. In his mouth, he literally holds the key to their liberation, but he’s not interested in giving up his booty for anything less than the 19th century equivalent of snausages.

Real life pirates from the era were violent narcissists with little regard for human life. The Pirates of the Caribbean are a rowdy, fun-loving bunch of drunks whose shenanigans have entertained theme park tourists for years. They’re hilarious, which is why this attraction is one of the five funniest on the planet.

4. Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor

A dear friend and business partner of mine went on vacation a few weeks ago. I didn’t expect to hear from him for 10 days. To my surprise, I noticed one morning that I had a text from him. It stated:

“Life goal achieved! Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor used one of the jokes I submitted!”

As far as life goals go, I want my dear friend to aim higher, but the text still busted me up. As most of you know, the line queue for this comedy show requests joke submissions. The cast members pick their favorites and share them during the live performance. Apparently, a grown man who works at one of the most respected institutions of higher learning in the United States felt 10 feet tall when a cast member told his joke.

This anecdote says everything about the joys of the Laugh Floor. Using similar technology to Turtle Talk with Crush, this attraction spins the ending of Monsters, Inc. into a fully developed power plant premise. Mike Wazowski (always read this in Boo’s voice!) entertains the crowd with a comedy routine, much of which comes from crowd interactions. This touch of personalization makes every show unique. While I love Turtle Talk as well, Laugh Floor is a more adult performance that offers a more satisfying experience overall. After all, if the show’s not funny, Monstropolis will lose power!

 
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Comments

haunted mansion fans rejoice. with the proposed update to jungle cruise to tie into the dwayne johnson movie, i'm sure the jokes will go in favor of more something else. and HM will rise to #1. *sadface*

side note, i hated the jungle cruise for the longest time. only because the memory of it wasn't the ride, but the super long (90m? back in 1995) wait in the heat. it wasn't for another 2 decades before i came back and was able to understand what was actually going on.

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