6. Hangry

Why are saunas so popular? Heat causes a person to sweat, and the process burns calories. The thing about calories is that we need them to live. When you don’t have enough fuel in your system, your body starts to shut down. That’s when basic meanness overrides your normal charismatic state of being. Snickers has built an entire ad campaign around the concept.

That’s the science. And a free product plug. In execution, hangry looks something like this:

“I don’t want to ride that. I just want to go back to my room.”

“We’ll have to take a bus, and I don’t know how long we’ll have to wa—“

“I’M LEAVING! I DON’T CARE HOW LONG WE WAIT FOR A BUS! WHY DON’T YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME???”

“I was just saying that…”

“SHUT UP!”

As ridiculous as the above sounds, most of us have participated in a similarly ridiculous conversation. That’s why I think of these conversations in economics terms. Divorce lawyers aren’t cheap. I’m a big fan of paying the ten dollars for an overpriced beverage and an ice cream bar instead. It’s a hangry cure-all, and most medicine costs at least ten bucks anyway, right?

7. “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”

Yogi Berra was on to something with this bit of wisdom. Disney theme parks are always some degree of mobbed every day of the year. The off-season as we once knew it no longer exists. The company recently switched to surge pricing as a way to siphon out some of the traffic problems overwhelming the various parks, but it’s a half-measure. Barring something unforeseen, nobody’s going to stop going to Disney theme parks. Because of that, you’ll always fight through crowds.

How a person behaves in the middle of a congested area depends on the individual. What’s true of everybody, however, is that we as a people don’t like getting bumped. We don’t like getting run over by strollers or electric vehicles. And we’re salty about anyone who tries to jump in line in front of us. At Disney, you’re going to face all of these aggravations at least once an hour. It makes the blood boil and the tongue loose. Crowds cause even the best of us to get snippy, and if your significant other doesn’t hear your snide remark, you have to repeat it. Usually, you do this by saying it louder, which makes it sounds harsher and angrier than you intended. At that point, you’re in the downward spiral and headed for a rumble.

8. Dealing with the kids

Image: Disney

Look, the generational aspect of going to Disney is what differentiates it from other theme parks. Many of us remember visiting when we were a child, and we want to pass down that experience to our kids. The catch is that when you’re a kid, your parents are the ones who have to handle the bad stuff. As a parent, the buck stops with you. Disney is stressful enough for a single person visiting on their own. For parents with young children, it’s an exercise in patience…and force of will.

The joy of visiting Disney with your child is that you get to share in their childish celebration of their surroundings. The tribulation is that almost all of the problems listed in this article apply to your kids as well. You struggle with them as a mature adult. They’re novices at handling such irritants, and they resort to their most basic response. They cry a lot. What happens when children break down in tears? Parents exchange a look of, “You deal with it! I did it last time.” They do this even if they know full well that they didn’t do it last time or any of the other 20 times before that. Parents lie to each other to get out of the hard stuff. It’s a hidden line in the marital contract.

During these standoffs, one party eventually loses. They have to tend to a crying child, which is exactly as enjoyable as it sounds. Grudges form as parents replay the events that led to them losing the “It’s your turn” argument.