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Many Disney fans can become a bit obsessive about their favorite rides. I speak from experience on this, as I look around the house and note literally dozens of Haunted Mansion collectibles that my wife has acquired over the years. People who love Disney have a tendency to fall in love with particular attractions that match their personality. And this thought process caused a couple of us at Theme Park Tourist to wonder what that means. Here’s our interpretation of what your favorite Magic Kingdom attraction says about you.

Space Mountain

Image: Disney

One thing is certain. You are not afraid of the dark. You are perfectly willing not only to enter the unknown but also embrace it. Similarly, you attack your fears rather than running from them. You would’ve made a marvelous astronaut back in the early days of the Space Age. You want to be out there on the cutting edge, enjoying every voyage of discovery possible.

You’re also an early adopter who loves the latest and greatest technologies, even if some of them are what the future looked like to people in the 1970s. So, you like your futuristic technology styled to be a bit retro. You also probably follow NASA on social media. Finally, it’s clear that you prefer staying indoors to going outside.

Peter Pan’s Flight

Image: Disney

Let’s address the pink elephant in the living room first. They don’t call it Peter Pan Syndrome for nothing. You probably never wanted to grow up and still experience your fair share of arrested development. That’s likely the case with many of the most diehard fans, and I for one own and embrace it. What’s so great about being a grown-up anyway? We should all aspire to be young at heart. I’m confident Walt Disney would agree with that notion.

You also wish you were a bird. There’s something about the experience of flight that makes you wish you were born with wings. You love feeling untethered and free, floating through the air. You also love escaping into a fantasy world from time to time, although I like to think you choose a happier place to visit than Captain Hook’s part of Neverland. 

Jungle Cruise

Image: Disney

Everyone groans at your jokes. You likely repeat some of them every time you meet a new person, even if they’re accompanied by other folks that you know you’ve told the same joke dozens of times before. You think you’ve mastered puns, but everyone else knows the truth. NOBODY masters a pun. It’s the Cleveland Browns of joke telling.

On the plus side, you have a wonderful sense of adventure. You’re not afraid of going out into the world and discovering new and exciting civilizations. Sure, you sometimes wind up at the top of a pole, hoping not to take a rhinoceros horn to the keister, but that’s the price you pay as an itinerant adventurer.

You also have a love of sailing. The African Queen is probably your favorite movie. You also love The Perfect Storm, although you always seem to forget how it ends. Finally, sometimes elephants spray water from their snouts onto you. The mirth of the situation makes you feel great inside. As an fyi, that water is filthy. You really shouldn’t let them do that. There’s a fine line between adventurer and botulism victim.

Seriously, though. Your jokes are TERRIBLE.

Splash Mountain

Image: Disney

You’re also a trickster with a wicked sense of humor. You don’t mind letting a joke build for an extended period of time before finally allowing it to reach the fireworks factory. I suspect your friends fear you at times for precisely this reason. They’ve been burned before, and they don’t want it to happen again.

You’re also a big fan of rabbits, especially compared to, say, foxes or bears. Due to this love of the cuddliest animals, you probably know every aspect of Grumpy Cat’s biography. You also follow many celebrity animals on social media. If you’re looking for more, I suggest Maru.

I’m also guessing that you never use an umbrella and are only happy when it rains. You probably take a lot of baths, too.

Pirates of the Caribbean

Image: Disney

You are not a fan of anything politically correct. You miss the days when outlaw behavior was championed rather than criticized. You never use banks, preferring to store all your personal belongings in trunks. Generally, these are not located in your house but rather at a hidden spot you discovered that you hastily marked with an X on a “map”. This “map” was really just a paper napkin from the restaurant where you ate after throwing away, err, storing all your precious valuables.

Hygiene is not your friend. Your dog is always chewing on your keys. You love gun powder but only when cannon fire is involved. You never pay for computer software you use or movies you watch online. Also, while it’s not my place to cast aspersions, you MAY have a drinking problem. Jugs with skull faces on the front aren’t meant to be chugged in a single sitting.

PS: Johnny Depp may have a restraining order against you. Just fyi.

It’s a Small World

Image: Disney

You love mindless, repetitive tasks. You abhor innovation or creativity. All you want is to do the same thing over and over again. That’s what feels comfortable and right to you. Your musical tastes are so heinous that your friends refuse to ride in the same car as you.

You love creepy dolls so much that the local police department keeps you on speed dial in case any neighbors ever go missing. On the plus side, you’re the polar opposite of a xenophobe. Also, you certainly don’t get tired of anything quickly.

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