2. Mission: Space

Image: Disney

A few months ago, I listed Mission: Space as one of the five worst rides at Walt Disney World. Some of you took offense. Suffice to say that I struck a nerve or two. That’s the problem with saying how you feel sometimes. People take offense. That’s regrettable.

I don’t mean to imperil anyone’s love of Disney. I’m with you on the subject. I just don’t see some of the rides as reaching the quality that they should. It’s due to the financial outlay and time spent crafting them. Imagineers are the best in the world at what they do, but even they sometimes fall victim to constraints such as deadlines and unworkability. An idea in theory may not translate effectively to a wonderful attraction in execution.

That’s my perception of Mission: Space in particular. It features one of the most shocking histories of any Disney attraction at any Disney park. Two people have died on Mission: Space, both of them occurring during the same 12-month period. Disney execs demanded a less volatile version of the ride to satisfy the curious without jeopardizing anyone’s health. And the underlying problem with Mission: Space is simple. Once you’ve ridden it, there’s little incentive to repeat the process.

Image: Disney

During Mission: Space, four people experience the sensation of space travel via a trip to Mars. They also hit a button. Some lucky people even get to hit it twice! Other than that, the trip is identical every time. In the wake of The Martian, the novel and well-reviewed Matt Damon movie, there’s more interest than ever in this particular concept. And that’s precisely why Mission: Space needs plussing to bring it up to speed.

My suggestion for doing it is simple enough that the transformation would be quick. Randomize the obstacles faced during the trip in the same way that Star Tours operates now. Craft a series of ~10 new videos that demonstrate the trials and tribulations of space travel. Place two or three of each in a tier, again mimicking Star Tours. By adding issues such as failed life support, an engine malfunction, a potential asteroid collision, and a changed landing scenario on the surface of Mars, there’s real intrigue on each ride. In this manner, the same underlying dynamics of Mission: Space as a motion simulator remain, but the ride feels fresh and original each time.

3. Stitch’s Great Escape

Image: Disney

There is no ride at Walt Disney World that absorbs more criticism than the one involving Stitch. That’s strange, because Stitch merchandise is extremely popular. A ride involving this mischievous alien should engage all ages of fans, especially the young ones who respond so strongly to the many-armed alien dog…ish genetic creation.

One of the underlying issues is that this ride replaced ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter, a beloved ride that wasn’t based on any specific Disney property. Adding Stitch on top of this attraction makes sense from the perspective that branding a beloved dog-ish genetic creation with an already accepted attraction sounds like a masterstroke. In execution, it’s a square peg in a round hole instead. While Stitch’s Great Escape offers a few humorous moments and a bumpy ride that some enjoy, it’s just not very Stitch-like. In fact, he isn’t very visible during the in-the-round production, only appearing during a few key moments. Imagineers chose the route of less being more, but this particular Stitch superfan disagrees. More Stitch is always better.

Solving the problem of plussing Stitch’s Great Escape is simple. Split the two concepts in two. Bring back ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter or something like it, negating the forced character interactions. Return the ride to its roots as an unexpected first encounter with surprise visitor. It’s understandable why Imagineers felt Stitch would be a brilliant addition to the premise. It just didn’t work. Accept that and reboot with the original idea. Combine it with new technology to refresh the titular alien encounter. Ride traffic will quadruple if it’s good.

Image: Disney

With ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter redeemed anew, start from scratch on a Stitch ride that will do justice to the character. The problem with its current iteration is that the attraction fails to embrace the overriding theme of Lilo & Stitch. That’s not a misbehaving alien running loose on planet Earth, even though those parts of the movie are fun. Lilo & Stitch is about an ugly duckling finding a home. The oft-stated premise is pure. “Ohana means family, and family means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” A celebration of the film that lacks Lilo is a pure impossibility.

Stitch’s Great Escape can’t work, because it’s only half a concept. Stitch needs Lilo the way that jelly needs peanut butter. And they both need Elvis music as a backdrop. Disney should build an attraction from the ground up that features the wonderful backdrop of Lilo & Stitch’s world, the one they admired so much that they once mined it for four movies (no, really!) and 65 television episodes. Aulani, a Disney Resort & Spa and Disney’s Polynesian Village Resort embrace the character in various activities. Why is the current Stitch attraction such a shameless derivation of a wonderful concept? Give the Imagineers license to build something akin to Peter Pan’s Flight or Finding Nemo that sweeps the rider into that world rather than the current iteration that is Stitch-ish in name only.

So, what are your thoughts on plussing Walt Disney World rides? Which ones would you like to see improved? Please leave your thoughts in the comments section.