Worst

1. The nostalgia buff

All Disney fans are nostalgic for something, whether it was a favorite childhood ride or the simpler time before FastPass+. But the majority of fans are able to enjoy what works for them at the moment, and to acknowledge when a change is actually for the better. The nostalgia buff, however, is anti-progress in any way, shape, or form. Before an upgraded attraction opens, he is shouting from the rooftops about how bad it will be, and no matter what the actual result is, he will never give it a fair shake. The nostalgia buff is often spotted around the parks giving a dissertation on exactly what stood where when, and exactly who was in charge when it went away, often to a group whose eyes are starting to glaze over.

2. The director

The director is the extreme version of the planner. Rather than developing a loose itinerary that can be changed as needed, the director insists that every moment be spent in the way that he envisioned. If anyone wants to go off the plan, the director has a visceral emotional reaction to what he perceives as a personal attack. Directors can be seen around the parks staring at their watches, shaking their heads as they consult printed schedules, or yelling at their parties about messing up the plan.

3. The cheerleader

While nostalgia buffs go too far in automatically hating everything new that Disney presents, cheerleaders represent the opposite extreme. To them, Disney is the hallowed promised land, and every single thing about it is absolutely perfect. Whether it is a price increase, an attraction closure, or a lack of attention to detail, whenever a conversation turns to Disney problems, cheerleaders are right there to shout down the dissenters. Wearing giant Mickey-sized blinders, they not only accept whatever comes their way, but insist that others do the same. Their favorite refrain is along the lines of, “Don’t like it? Don’t come!”

4. The death march leader

While the director is controlling, the death march leader takes it to a whole new extreme. The death march leader is absolutely determined to wring the most out of every cent he paid, and no act of God or human frailty is going to ruin that mission. Death march leaders can be seen dragging screaming children onto rides, pressing on through crashing lightning storms, and threatening to leave behind party members who need a bathroom stop.

5. The spieler

Rare indeed is the Disney fan who has never sung along with the Pirates of the Caribbean or whispered the Haunted Mansion Stretching Room spiel under his breath. But the spieler has (at least in his own mind) a perfect recall of every word that is sung or spoken at every Disney attraction. And he is determined to show off that knowledge by belting out his own soundtrack at top volume. Spielers also tend to get angry when a human performer deviates from their own mental version of the script.

What kind of Disney fan are you? What other archetypes have you seen in the parks? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!