3. Soarin’

If the consistent and lengthy wait time is an accurate indication, Soarin’ is Walt Disney World’s most popular attraction. It is, however, unclear why. As a concept it, along with Disney California Adventure’s corresponding Soarin’ Over California, is brilliant. Disney has captured and flawlessly delivers the gliding sensation. Everyone beams about the delicious scent of orange trees. The music, the views, the terrifying golf ball; it’s fantastic. But would you wait over an hour for it? At Walt Disney World they will.

Again, there is some relief from the monotony via captivating interactivity, but you’ve still spent an hour in line for one ride on a slow day. Disney’s California Adventure has no such distraction in line, but what they have is a shorter line. Epcot is extraordinary, though suffers from a scarcity of thrill rides. The California park explodes with them, and when guests see a 30+ minute standby time, the amble elsewhere.

A tip for Epcot guests. If members of your party insist on riding Soarin’, and there is a pretty typical 60-minute wait, try this: stand at the entrance to the line, agree to meet your party at the exit, then make your way out to the World Showcase. Head around the lagoon clockwise. Stop at the Mexico Pavilion for a beverage. Continue, clockwise. Round about France you will be ready for another drink. Get one. Head back to the Land Pavilion, but don’t hurry. You will beat your party to the meeting spot, you will have two excellent beverages (what you have us up to you - wink, wink), and you get to see the world. You win.

4. Dumbo

Dumbo is an exceedingly difficult ride to appreciate, at either park. Yes, your kids love it, if they’re young enough. But it is a painfully slow loader and a pretty reliable venue for a classic Disney in-line temper tantrum. Walt Disney World has saved this classic attraction, and the experience of many traveling families by constructing a circus-themed waiting area. The littles can go play, adults can have a seat, everyone gets out of the sun, and no one loses their place in line.

The interactive queue is becoming a tradition, though Disneyland is slow to adopt it. The Disneyland Dumbo, thus, is a slow and steady trip-threatening tar pit. Again, the Disneyland climate is the envy of the universe, though Dumbo sits in the heart of Fantasyland, which is completely sheltered from every element except sunlight. The southern California sun beats down on this particular spot of real estate with an intensity that makes even the most patient parent contemplate abandoning the family for the sanctity of Rita’s Baja Blenders.

5. Innoventions

The Innoventions Pavilions at Epcot once served a thrilling and fulfilling purpose, which is far removed from the mere poor-weather shelters they have now become. In a world where televisions were grainy and small, where Atari was hi-tech and a phones was something stuck to a wall that took quarters, a bank of touchscreens was out-of-this-world amazing. Now that children carry satellite navigation systems in their pockets, and play on 4D attack simulators, with real-life mercenaries, while using the restroom, Innoventions is simply a means for getting from Spaceship Earth to the Test Track.

At Disneyland, Innoventions makes neither an effective weather shelter, nor bypass, as you have to wait in line just to get in. Once inside, if you were somehow able to convince your children to come with you, you will wish you were anywhere else. As for the touchscreens, typical preschools have more advanced technology, and anything worth investigating means waiting in another line. And have you ever tried to leave the Disneyland Innoventions in a fit of recovering judgement? It’s like trying to find an exit in a casino.

Here’s a tip, if they’ll still let you do it: on any night Disneyland has fireworks, go to Innoventions about an hour before the show. Amble about for a bit, suffer the slings and arrows of your outraged family, then make your way to the top-level balcony outside. It’s an exceptional place to catch the Nighttime Spectacular, again, if they’ll let you.