6. Seven Dwarfs Mine Train

© Disney

Location: Magic Kingdom

Why We’d Avoid It: A standard proposal is usually accompanied by a diamond ring – a sort of symbolic promise that your love will forever gleam like the beautiful gem you’re giving. No matter how big a rock you’ve got ready for your future fiancée, it’s bound to look more like a pebble compared to the gems that the Seven Dwarfs have unearthed.

Verdict: Her memory should be of her diamond sparkling brighter than any others, and that’s not likely to be the case inside the Seven Dwarfs' mine.

7. The Grizzly

Click for source.

Location: California's Great America

Why We’d Avoid It: Every year, Mitch Hawker conducts his Wooden Roller Coaster Poll, using ride ratings (mostly from coaster enthusiasts) to rank coasters based on mathematical comparisons. And every year, Grizzly at California’s Great America tends to do pretty poorly. In 2013, the ride was ranked the 172nd best wooden roller coaster on Earth…! ...out of 175. Infamous for its rough ride and horrendous jackhammering, the coaster seems in desperate need of a re-build of some kind.

Verdict: As it is, we’d propose that you don’t propose on it, if only because you’d probably be unable to get the words out along the coaster’s rough 3250-foot circuit.

8. Racer

© Cedar Fair

Location: Kings Island

Why We’d Avoid It: There are tons of racing coasters in the world, but Racer at Kings Island is the most historically beloved. The ride (which gave its 100,000,000th ride just this month) is credited as beginning the Second Golden Age of the Coaster by re-inspiring the coaster craze that had been reduced to a shadow of its former self after the Great Depression. A year after it opened, it hosted the Brady Bunch in their well-known “Cincinnati Kids” episode. Anyway, marriage is about compromise. “Sometimes I win, sometimes you win, and that’s okay!” We’d love to see one partner in the red train, the other in the blue train, and a proposal yelled between the two on the ride’s dual lift hill.

Verdict: Hey, it would be good practice in seeing if your significant other is a sore loser... Or worse, they could win.

9. Garfield’s Nightmare

© Blacklight Attractions.

Location: Kennywood

Why We’d Avoid It: Kennywood near Pittsburgh is a historic and beloved family park that opened in 1898 and has remained a staple of Western Pennsylvania ever since. The park today is especially renowned for its classic coasters and timeless dark rides. Opened in 1901 – yes, 113 years ago – The Old Mill was a classic. In 2004, the park attempted to give the ride a modern overlay and it was re-themed as Garfield’s Nightmare. The seven minute boat ride drifts idly past black-light, static scenes that would be horrific to a cat: mice making cat-stew, a trip to the vet, and a fish swallowing Garfield whole. It’s cute and quaint and a fine overlay that keeps the kids re-riding, but the musty and psychedelic black-light ride doesn’t reek of romance. It does reek of other things.

Verdict: In 113 years, the ride has gone through many name changes. “Tunnel of Love” was never one of them. 

10. Mission: SPACE

© Disney

Location: Epcot

Why We’d Avoid It: Epcot’s Mission: SPACE may just be among the most thrilling attractions ever designed, and certainly ranks high among the Disney Parks line-up. The motion simulator uses centrifugal technology (like what astronauts train in) to simulate weightlessness and extreme G-force. The ride begins with a “rocket launch” that staples you to your seat and continues with the breathtaking weightlessness of space. Let’s just say, the ride is pre-packaged with barf bags, and riders tend to faint from the forceful experience a few times a day. There may be something romantic about proposing on an alien planet, but with Mission: SPACE, you’re probably better off waiting until you’re back on terra firma.

Verdict: If your partner is going to pass out, you want it to be from your dashing romantic gesture, not from extreme G's.

Conclusion

Well, that’s that. Anyone out there who was about to make a fatal mistake on one of these rides? Or even better, has someone given one of these a go and secured the love of their life on board? We’d love to hear your stories, or the places at your local parks that would make a real romantic buzz-kill.