Home » 6 Hilarious Hypothetical Tram Warnings We Haven’t Heard Yet

    6 Hilarious Hypothetical Tram Warnings We Haven’t Heard Yet

    No Bad Dancing!

    If you have been following recent Disney discussions, you know that selfie sticks have been a massive bone of contention amongst fans, and Disney recently weighed in by specifically naming them as prohibited loose items on rides. But the parks took it to a whole new level when they added a selfie stick warning to the spiel on the parking lot trams—which got me to thinking.

    Do you remember the good old days, when the trams didn’t even have doors? In an effort to improve safety, Disney has upgraded both the trams and the spiels…but where does it end? Here’s a lighthearted look at some warnings that Disney hasn’t included. Yet.

    1. Bad dancing

    No Bad Dancing!

    These signs are plastered all over the parks, but none of the safety spiels actually mention the pictured activity—bad dancing! Can’t you just hear it now? “Please remain seated with the doors closed, and whatever you do, no bad dancing!” I mean, bad dancing can be done while seated…but would it make you more likely to fall out of the tram? Or can seated bad dancing now be done safely, since the tram doors were added? Hmmm, food for thought!

    2. Smoking

    Image - Carlos Huerta, Wikimedia Commons

    Once a staple in every attractions pre-load spiel, smoking has been left out of quite a few spiels in recent years. Have we really become such an anti-smoking society in the past decade that Disney no longer needs to mention it? What would happen if someone lit up during an attraction, or at least on the open-air tram ride? I know the monorail spiel mentions that smoking is only permitted in designated areas, but if you drive to the parks, you have to ride the tram before you board the monorail. Shouldn’t smoking be addressed in the very first line of the tram spiel?

    3. Cell phones

    Image - Victorgrigas, Wikimedia Commons

    OK, OK. This one is covered in the general disclaimer, “Please hold onto hats, glasses, or any loose items that could fall from the tram.” But if selfie sticks are ubiquitous enough that Disney feels they’re worth mentioning, shouldn’t cell phones get their own shout out? Personally, I’ve seen a lot more people hanging their cell phones out of the tram to get photos than I have selfie sticks, but maybe Disney is just trying to head off trouble at the outset? Along the same lines, what about tablets? They’re big, bulky, and much harder to hang onto than a cell phone during sharp turns and unexpected stops. And while we’re at it, could we please ban them from being held up in front of everyone in the front rows of parades and shows?

    4. Heads

    Have you ever really parsed the wording in the tram spiel? You are specifically instructed to keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the tram, and to hold onto your hats and glasses. You’re told to stay seated, which would make it impossible to hang your rear end out of the tram. But Disney never once mentions heads. Think about that for a moment. It would be absolutely horrible to crash a hand or a foot into a passing car or a nearby solid object. But if I had to choose between destroying my hand or my head, I’ll take the hand injury every time. It’s a strange omission on Disney’s part.

    5. FastPass+ and MDE

    FastPass Plus Kiosk

    Disney invested tremendous amounts of money into its FastPass+ and My Disney Experience programs, and they are sending out vast numbers of mailings to families with vacations booked to help them understand how the system works. As a Disney fan, it feels like we are increasingly being pressured to use the new technology regardless of personal preference. Yet the parking lot tram ride is the last chance to sell guests on the program, and they’re not taking advantage of it? Based on how Disney’s been acting, I would expect a sales pitch to be sandwiched right between protecting your body parts and not jumping off to pick up your dropped items. 

    6. Falling people

    This one’s a little morbid, but think about it for a moment. Disney gives you all kinds of instructions on how not to fall out of the tram. But they don’t strap you in or otherwise force you to stay seated. So what happens if someone completely ignores the warnings and falls out? They tell you to leave your stuff behind and alert a cast member at the next stop…if someone you love falls out, what’s the plan? I know I’d be jumping off the moving tram to rescue them, but then what? OK, there’s probably no good way to actually address that scenario in the safety spiel, but I sure hope someone has thought it through.

    What about you? Have you ever listened to the safety spiel loop and thought about everything it doesn’t technically cover? What do you think about the new selfie stick warnings? Is Disney going overboard in the name of safety, trying to cover themselves legally, or just piecing together a spiel comprised of some, but not all, modern day warnings layered onto a very old script? What other warnings, real or in jest, would you like to hear? Share your opinions with us in the comments!